The coffee order for all ten BAAK types, ranked by chaos

01/10

FOX

I clocked you. Keep talking.

FOX orders a cortado, then points at the menu: the large is cheaper per ounce than the small, so the whole pricing board is broken. Says it out loud. The barista nods. FOX is already smirking, and on the way out turns the crooked "restroom" sign straight.

02/10

PEACH

It's my story. You're in it.

PEACH orders an oat latte with extra foam, takes the window seat, and stays for three hours. Pulls out a colouring book after the coffee is done and colours inside the extra margins. Two people fall asleep near their table.

03/10

SEVEN

You panic. I lock in.

SEVEN orders a double espresso at 4pm, from the shop with the ten minute line and two staff off sick. No circling, no group vote. The queue starts moving around them. Ten minutes later they are somehow running it.

04/10

MOTHLIGHT

I knew before you said it.

MOTHLIGHT skips the busy counter and slips into the quiet corner seat nobody claimed. Orders something you've never heard of. You have shared a table all morning and still do not know what is in that cup.

05/10

JADE

In my lane. Stay in yours.

JADE orders a filter coffee, pays, and waits on the bench outside. Someone spills, someone screams, JADE blinks slowly. Also the only one who read the allergen list on the wall.

06/10

COMET

My timing is immaculate. Yours?

COMET walks in exactly when the fresh batch lands. Orders the one thing that just came off the good machine, grins, and the whole line turns to look. Gets a free cookie and has no idea why.

07/10

NORTH

I set the standard. Keep up.

NORTH orders the same thing at the same time at the same shop and the line knows their order. Walks around to the back entrance because the front door is one way. Splits the bill to the cent.

08/10

PEARL

Richer than I look. Guess again.

PEARL orders a black coffee and has already checked the price twice before deciding. Keeps the receipt. Keeps it in the app. Keeps it in the notes app under a tiny label. When PEARL says they'll hold your bag, an earthquake could not shake it loose.

09/10

TAU

I don't need the hype. You do.

TAU orders a flat white at the exact same time every day, rain or shine, empty cafe or packed. Orders it alone. Pays alone. Carries it home alone. Does not need you to light the way, and will not ask.

10/10

FLARE

Too much? That's the point.

FLARE orders a quad shot with a shot in it. Runs in late, all blue fire, apologises to no one. Has finished it before you found a seat. Already on the way to the next thing at full speed. Volume control: not found.